title quote - Alibis by Marianas Trench
Typing is going to be difficult today because while slicing lemons and limes this afternoon, I managed to slice my left index finger. It was quite deep and so very painful. I managed to stop the bleeding fairly quickly and I should be able to avoid stitches but it hurts like a bitch. On the plus side, since I'm fasting today the pain in my hand should distract me from any hunger I might feel. I am stuck at a stupid plateau. I'm hovering between 145 and 150 and I can't seem to get lower. Right now I'm only averaging about 3 workouts per week for about 90 minutes. Maybe I should try doing 5 per week and do more intense cardio. The lack of a loss is starting to get me down. I really want to be down 10 lbs by the 14th. I have plans with my friends and I don't wanna go out looking like a hag.
I actually had my friend ask me last night whether I really thought that being thin or weighing a certain amount would mae my life perfect. I couldn't really respond. I mean I know it isnt magic, but unless I am acceptable visually to people, I will never get the chance to make my life perfect for me. No one has ever accepted me or the way I look. Outside of family. I honestly don't think I can be loved or deserving of love until I am thin and pretty. Is that sick? Maybe. Am I wrong in thinking it? Sadly, probably not. The world is cruel.
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