Title Quote by Stendhal
Am I disordered? I don't know. I've never been dignosed. All I know are my own actions and thoughts. Like right now, I am feeling triumphant for fasting for an entire day. Not one bit of food went into my mouth, though I was tempted by dinner and the chocolate cake balls that were made tonite. But I was strong. Only water for me. I feel so clean. And at the same time I feel fat and worthless. I have lost 20 lbs since October but I don't feel any different. My BMI is 24.8, so I'm technically not overweight, but that doesn't mean I feel normal. I'm setting a goal of being 125 lbs by May 1st. That's 30 lbs I need to lose. That means restricting and exercising. Fasting and controlling. I want to look beautiful at my little sister's graduation and for my 22nd birthday. I want to be seen, I want to be special.
You are special, I think so.... and you are beautiful already.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about that feeling when you are empty. I've just got well excited because my bf's going away and that means I can fast. Be careful that eating so little/nothing isnt making you feel depressed, the brain does need some food esp protein. Take care hunni x
Aw, you're so sweet.
ReplyDeleteAnd I want you to be careful with you're fasting too.