I saw few die of hunger; of eating, a hundred thousand

Title Quote by Benjamin Franklin


I am writing to keep myself from eating. I have filled myself with coffee and water and I hope to God I can keep control. Everyone is eating dinner around me. It smells so good and garlic-y. Dinner is garlic chicken and potatoes. It's so delicious looking. But I am watching people eating and at the same time a makeover show is on the television and that reminds me that if I take a plate of that food (no matter how delicious) I will not be suffering just like the girl on the television. She is crying and battling her body to fit into the clothes for the makeover. She has gained weight and feels undeserving of attention and the clothes don't fit or flatter the way they should. I don't want to be that. I want to be the girl that is beautiful, that can slip into any outfit and have it flatter and fit me without struggling and breaking down. I want the tears of happiness that come with looking in the mirror and realizing how beautiful you are. And I won't get any of that if I eat that plate of food. Luckily the moment of weakness seems to have passed. I need to get through 2 days of fasting so that my stomach is shrunk enough so that I'm not as hungry when I do have to eat. I feel stronger now. Now I can go on with my night and my fast.