anger, resentment, anger

Sitting here watching my friend pack to leave me to be with a jackass. She's taking up the whole of spring break on this jerk. Im glad her ex is more important to her than me. Its not like he ruined our entire trip to florida last summer by breaking up with her the first day we got there or anything, forcing the entire trip to be about him and the heartbreak he caused. But yea sure, ditch the person that got you through all his bullshit to go see him on your one break from school. Awesome, Great friends, right? Yep, totally. And Im not bitter or angry at all. Nope. Not me.

i'll never be worth anything to you

Im down to 135 this morning. The progress is good. But I have been binging and purging again. I hate that, its gross. Stupid vomit. Tonight Im hanging with Laura before she ditches me for her ex-boyfriend. My best friend is gonna be on Spring Break but she isnt gonna spend any of it with me. We're just doing our usual weekly hangout session and then she's spending the whole break out of town with an asshole that dumped her and is just using her for sex. Why can't my friends, (Im sorry, I mean friend becuase I only have one since everyone else ditches me too) want to be around me? What is so wrong with me that no one sticks around? And Im a fucking doormat for Laura because she knows I have no one else so she can treat me however she wants and I wont go anywhere. Itd be stupid to ditch my only friend. But yea, tonight we're hanging out. I hope I can be not depressed long enough to enjoy it, but its hard when no one gives a shit about me and that they make it so completely obvious that I am worthless in their eyes.

satisfaction

Im down to 137. Thats only 18 pounds from my goal. I had a few encouraging things said to me this weekend.
My mom flat out told me "Okay, you've lost enough weight, just maintian now."  I smiled.
I went out bowling with some people and they all said how I've lost so much weight and look so skinny now.
And a guy I have some history with was around the other night with my other friend as well, one noticed my hipbones poking out and the other said "you have gotten pretty small"  Then the history-guy tried to repeat history in the bedroom.  Encouraging, right? I've obviously made enough progress to catch people's attention. The one I like the most though is that the guy noticed. Its been ages since a male noticed my existence in such a way, although I did turn him down. I am waiting for someone truly special to give that kind of thing to. Not like previously where I did whoever came along. That left me empty. Anyway, the weekend was nice and I got to watch a movie that the Elders let me borrow, which was very nice of them as well. I wonder how everyone else is doing...